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The Cruelest She Alive

by Gentle Confidence

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1.
Intro 04:49
well I'm here now finally got out of that blue town I hated more than him four suitcases of a life put up pictures on the walls of white told myself this'll be the age of answering but it turns out as I look around I have more questions than I did when I left I know it takes time I know I can spend my whole life trying to figure out the reasons why but the thing is anything other than that to me is just a waste of time sometimes I think I know what I'm doing but mostly it's just a mess I know I'm not alone in feeling like this but I walk down the stairway alone thinking maybe I don't belong in anything I just can't see myself living much longer than this sometimes I write something and I didn't know I needed to say it but is that enough if no one's listening well I was starting to hope that I don't know maybe something'd just work out on its own I was starting to think that not everything had to leave me feeling so fucking alone and then the fog rolled in with no warning and I thought I'd prepared myself for any type of weather but that afternoon reminded me I'll never have it together but maybe I found a way to be something like happy I kept my head down maybe the universe is rewarding me I know my touch will destroy it all inevitably but until then I will revel in the golden days that somehow found me
2.
Porches 02:42
I'll give up my time if you'll spend it with me I can feel me losing you cause I can't stay happy I don't know why you like me but I don't want you to change your mind I want you teach me how to like me I want you to change my mine I'll take any pills that they tell me to I don't wanna feel like this I wanna feel like we did in the honeymoon phase I don't know why you like me but I don't want you to change your mind I want you teach me how to like me I want you to change my mine change my mind I've been trying to my whole life
3.
Love Song 02:46
backwards on your bed arm underneath your head and I'm trying to think of a metaphor for it there's nothing I can do except wait til I see you again and I better not be falling in love for someone like me that's a death sentence I better not be falling in love that shit just reminds me I'm broken I didn't think I'd ever receive the compliments that you're paying me so I tell you if you're lying I'll kill you myself all the ones before you taught me that a girl can never believe so just hurt me again I don't expect anything else but I better not be falling in love for someone like me that's a death sentence I better not be falling in love that shit just reminds me I'm broken
4.
Crumble 03:17
we've been creative in the ways we evade the phrase I enjoy you I really like you I missed kissing you this week but I felt it coming on when we were standing on the lawn either way you're gonna break me at the knees I search for hints in your lips I look for treasure in yur skkin I gotta know if you'll be like the others in he end you don't know me my inadvertent safety measure cause I'm sure this is gonna crumble one way or another I'd almost skip to the murder scene than go through the parts that'll haunt my memory cause I can't enjoy this anyway I'm too vigilant trying to expect that you'll hurt me it's too easy for you to feel and not show it but my face might as well be a map to my ugly heart you scribbled all over the thing with blood and everybody knows and for a while it was the most stunning fucking piece of art I fell asleep in your arms I took your portrait in the car got the film developed and it turns out it was too dark you don't know me my inadvertent safety feature cause boy this one crumbled faster than fucking ever and now I"m just playing the loop of those tender scenes but I can't remember the last time you really smiled at me I couldn't enjoy it anyway I was too vigilant knowing you'd end up hurting me
5.
Permission 04:54
I don't know what to say I wish there were a way to get what I want but there's not I don't know how I'll stand next to you without holding hands and I was never like this but nothing was ever like this who gave you permission to show up and make me happy just to go and break it even if accidentally I know you didn't intend to complicate everything in fact you made it so much better before you murdered me you say you don't expect me to wait around for you but I know found my person so what else would I do I'm the queen of crying especially in public I'm just broken-hearted I don't care if everybody knows it who gave you permission to show up and make me happy just to go and break it even if accidentally I know you didn't intend to complicate everything in fact you made it so much better before you murdered me the thought of you with someone else it makes me sick the thought of you with someone else it makes me sick the thought of you with someone else it makes me sick the thought of you with someone else the thought of you with someone else the thought of you with someone else the thought of you with someone else the thought of you
6.
Low 02:31
take me back to that place we built in seven days where the ground was flat and we knew where we stood cause lately it's all hills and valleys you can't win with that kind of topography cause when you're low you can't see where you're going and when you're on top you know exactly where you're going down low low down no one told you to care about me you did anyway when they told you to get rid of me you did that in a day it must not be a good sign that I still wanna kiss you it's not fair you said baby it's not fair no matter what you do cause I don't wanna be sad and jealous I got shit to do I can't afford these emotions I thought I could pull it off I wanted to be okay but a kid like me can't survive off maybe someday maybe
7.
Tremble 02:34
how am I gonna scare you away there's so many options maybe I'll want too much or be too honest too often I'm just too sad to lie about it and I couldn't if I tried I know I was smiling the day we met but I'm sure you saw it in my eyes I bet you thought that you saw a little bit of yourself in there soon you'll see the scope of my sadness don't want you to drown in it no it's not a competition it's just a fact you're not gonna fix it no one can and I know you didn't offer I'm just saying before we take off our clothes you should understand one more can't undo the damage of dozens and dozens and
8.

about

"Lady, you are the cruel’st she alive
if you will lead these graces to the grave
and leave the world no copy."
- from Shakespeare's Twelfth Night

These songs were written in fall 2016 by Julia DiFiori.

Intro, Porches, Crumble, Tremble, and Creeps Losers Fools were recorded in the TIMARA studios at Oberlin College and engineered by Hunter Brown.

Love Song, Permission, and Low were recorded as voice memos.

Album art by Josh Augustin.

credits

released December 1, 2017

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all rights reserved

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Gentle Confidence Oberlin, Ohio

Julia DiFiori is Gentle Confidence.

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